Doo Doo Bloggin'

2012-01-23T17:27:00.000-08:00

I have eaten a burrito, I have placed it inside of my tummy where it will be digested/absorbed and turned into poop. There is something delightfully bolus-like about a mature, American burrito.

tahuan baru

2012-01-20T07:05:00.000-08:00

I learned, perhaps speciously, that one way to say doo doo in bahasa Indonesia is air besar. Literally, this means big water. Perhaps peeing is signified by smaller water. I have some more fact checking and communicating to do, but stay posted.

pile up

2011-12-28T07:10:00.000-08:00

It is amazing that when one is disposing of a large amount of loose doodie in a toilet bowl, the doodie never piles up in such a way that it comes into contact with one's butt.

I shouldn't say never, but it's never happened to me, and I'm very thankful for that.

Just imagine how much it would have to be! Unless of course it was just a consistency thing, or what have you.

stercus ursinus

2011-11-03T21:01:00.000-07:00

Today, two of my poops looked like bears. Not like bear poop, but actually kind of like a bear. There was a real shagginess to these turds, and they were just such a color, if you know what I mean.

Doo Doo Bloggin - building a new iconography of poops, for you & yours

Safety Always

2011-10-29T06:29:00.000-07:00

Last night, I took a poop with a bike helmet on my head.

My poop was perfectly turmeric-colored.

ps - I don't know how to ride a bike.

Mantle, Jones, Berkman, Murray... not me

2011-10-09T19:53:00.000-07:00

Turns out I can't really wipe left-handed.

But I tried.

distinctions are important

2011-09-15T21:07:00.000-07:00

It is not so rare for a person to, by accident, pee on his belt.

It is substantially rarer, in my observation, for a person to poop on his belt.

And that, my dear reader, is the difference between peeing and pooping.

le doo doo

2011-09-02T09:55:00.000-07:00

So I've been to continental Europe twice now. I think it's a fine place. They've got some nice things going there, including bidets, which unfortunately I was not really in a position to try out this go round. I owe it to you all to try in the future, it's on my list. But that's not what this is about.

Whenever I'm traveling, I tend to have lower standards of personal cleanliness. Swimming is a sufficient stand in for bathing (be it in a pool, salt water, or fresh water), deodorant is rarely packed, and clothes can sustain myriad wearings before the notion of washing comes to mind. But my butt cleanliness is usually not a flexible thing - regardless of what I'm doing, I'd like for my ass to be clean after I poo. I imagine most people agree with me one this, although I may differ on allowable amounts of urine to intersect with the pants area from most men.

What I'm trying to say is that in Europe, perhaps because of their kind of papier hygiénique, that's my best guess, I wasn't always feeling as fresh as I would hope to feel. Maybe my angles were off.

Now, as was the case with me in middle school, it was often an illusion. Maybe I was just sweat from my butt and misunderstanding. But a number of bathroom repeat visits in which a cautionary wipe was ventured took place, and most of them, almost all of them, came back negative. So I was kind of basket case over nothing, you see.

This is very personal information, as you can clearly see. Now you know more of my secrets.

I will also add that Europe is way ahead of the States in terms of the variable flush toilets. Good on them. Let's see more chatter on that one, huh? I will close by saying that this blogger's significant other, who would be horrified to be identified by name here, noted that Spanish airport/train station bathrooms had very low standards of cleanliness compared to American terminals of transit. Thanks for that report.

Drop them like turds,

Doo Doo Blogger Dave

two more quick (s)hits

2011-07-26T05:53:00.000-07:00

1.) Just had a poop that looked like a blackish-green head of broccoli. I've pooped many shapes, but never this cruciferous.

2.) You never hear much chatter about pooping in the days immediately after you give birth. I'd like to hear more about that, I think. I imagine the experience of passing things out of your body must be very different right then.

materials

2011-07-22T10:20:00.000-07:00

I pooped in a room yesterday that smelled just like mothballs.

...

It was a bathroom.

At a reputable arts venue.

Mothballs?

I mean, the clientele there are primarily old, but heck. Mothballs? In the bathroom?

One at once wonders what mothballs are made out of and what it would be like to poop in a non-bath room that smelled of mothballs.

For another day.

another try, another stab?

2011-07-12T16:11:00.000-07:00

This was really hot off the presses about 20 hours ago, but it's still relevant:

How's this for a day in the pooping life:

Monday night, a really abrupt, messy shite with a lot of constituent pieces, each having the red patina of beet greens, and coming in all shapes and sizes.

Tuesday morning, one of the most solid stools I can imagine. Like a diamond; condensed, focused.

Tuesday evening, loose, very loose, but in a completely different way from the previous day. The red was gone for one thing, and the constituent pieces idea was more goopy. Less fidelity in the islands, more like marsh land.

That's what up with me these days.

poo poo oops

2011-07-05T06:17:00.000-07:00

Naw, really nothing bad happened. But if I had more control over, you know, everythings, then it would have looked different.

I once again to the city that is the capital of my nation, and some of the surrounding cities, large and small. When in a home a close friend, I was finding it difficult to satisfactorily get everything out in the manner that I usually prefer. There was more waiting, more gas, more liquid than I am accustomed to.

There was also an amusing moment involving me squatting in a bathroom at the Smithsonian... but for a child's water fountain. With a large backpack on. Blocking some patrons from getting in. Making a child look kind of sad. Et cetera.

doo doo curls

2011-06-10T11:10:00.000-07:00

My mind turns of late to the doo doo curls.

Like, your stool is not the healthiest it could be, but neither is it so bad. And you produce, in one sitting, a lot of discrete bundles of doo doo. And these bundles are of just such a shape; they kind of curl back on themselves. Maybe they're .5 to 1.5 inches long.

These are the doo doo curls.

Probably they float.

2011-05-10T17:36:00.001-07:00

My, do I eat a lot of cabbage.

Also cheese, a lot of cheese.

retelling, whom?

2011-04-20T07:06:00.000-07:00

Why is the direct transition from a shit to the shower SO satisfying?

Who can explain these things? Not analytically, I could go into that, but actually? Why bother? Everything's amazing.

what to do with your hands?

2011-03-28T10:36:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been doing crossword puzzles (Sunday Times with the occasional Saturday Times) while pooping at home. This is a change. I'd mostly been reading before that (I've got a lot of reading to do these days). It's nice to have something to do with your hands, I think. Book reading is not ideally suited to the toilet, article reading is much more appropriate. The gradual brain work necessary for crossword puzzle completion is perfect if repeat visits are going to be part of the scheme. Having a conversation is a personal favorite, but that happens very rarely. I'm a social pooper.

an exercise in endurance

2011-03-28T10:08:00.000-07:00

Enter the bathroom, bringing with you a nice, large meal. Begin to defecate. As you defecate, begin eating the meal. Continue defecating until the meal has passed through you completely.

exceptions

2011-03-11T11:24:00.000-08:00

When this blog started, I was fixated a lot on where I was pooping. I was transitioning from an old workplace to a new school and assuming that the pooping there would be like the pooping at workplaces and schools from my past, which I have mostly loved and cherished. Things have not played out this way. Mostly I poop at home (I try to eat at home as much as possible these days, the other end of the equation just works out that way).

Significantly, in re: the school plot line, the building where most of my classes happen switched this semester. Thing went from one brutalist 60s-high-school-looking building to a slightly less falling apart building of the same type. I'll call it the "new" building, but understand it's 40+ years old as well; it's merely new to me. This new one has basketball courts. The only bathroom I had been using in the new building has only 1 of 4 spigots that work and a stall for pooping that seems physically improbable. Pooping just hasn't come up this semester, or if it did, I don't remember the specifics, but I must have found another building.

THE REAL STORY HERE: Yesterday I played the first piece on the first concert in the new concert venue of this new building. I have very little in the way of nerves before performing these days, but sometimes a good poop really clears the mind/heart/soul and makes for a nice relaxed performance (conversely, having to pee really badly during a show can be a great spur of quality or at least intensity).

ANOTHER DETAIL YOU'LL NEED FOR THIS ALL TO MAKE SENSE: On Wednesday, I made a really nice dinner with fennel, carrots, cabbage, ginger, tofu, and some black beans, which might have been sitting in the fridge a little too long. I was concerned, but I felt fine Wednesday, and so I took this as leftovers for my dinner on Thursday night before the concert. This entailed leaving home (and refrigeration of said leftovers) around 1 PM. The concert was at 7 PM. I ate at 6 PM.

THE CRUX: It's 6:30. There's some milling around. I suddenly get the doo-doo urges. Something's coming. Figuring nothing's happening in this building on the other floors at this time of day and there's a concert on this floor, I went looking around for the most relatively clean & quiet place to sit for a while, since I could tell something significant was on its way. 1st floor bathroom is the previously mentioned one, the 2nd floor was being cleaned. 3rd floor (floor of the performance) was gonna have to do. Walking back up & entering the bathroom, I found it surprisingly clean & well maintained. I'm not super picky, but it's nice to find a great place, and generally my school's facilities run towards the grosser end. Upon reaching my doo-doo location, using my butt, I emitted a stream of poop with a very high water content into the toilet bowl. It was gross, occasionally loud, cathartic, and a little exhausting. But it worked out. I thought maybe something was bad in the beans. I thought I was nervous. I thought a lot of things.

Sometimes you just get a doo doo out of the blue like this. Everything since has been normal. My stomach is fine. This was just a rumbly storm that manifested itself. I think. But it really made me think. And now, I hope I've made you think. Careful with the beans, careful in new buildings. Poop away, poopers.

from the cat world

2011-02-03T06:07:00.001-08:00

Often, when I'm scooping cat poop, I can't ignore the power embedded deep within the phrase "doo doo fried doo doo balls".

That's all for now. What's up? Poop?

mega-library doo doo

2011-01-27T06:39:00.000-08:00

Recently, I visited our nation's top hat: Washington, District of Columbia.

I pooped while I was there.

But there's more:

I pooped in the National Archives [it's free admission there]. It was a Sunday. I had just seen the Constitution, the Declaration, the B. of R.s, etc. There were a lot of school groups floating around the building. I had several layers on and a heavy backpack, so it took me some time to set up for my work once I got into the stall. Thereupon, I realized I was one of two people in the bathroom. The other person, probably derived from one of the school groups, said, presumably to himself, that this must be the quietest bathroom in the world. After he left, I felt like his assessment was pretty good. It was a quiet building on a quiet winter Sunday, and there was just me, having a quiet poop.

Pooping in a library bathroom is one of the distinct pleasures in life. Pooping in one of the nation's ur-libraries is thus a sweet thing indeed.

PS - anyone ever call that NFL QB the mocking name of Bathromo?

stercus legis

2011-01-12T08:40:00.000-08:00

I had jury duty three of the past seven days. The case was settled after I had already been empaneled, which is a little bit of a let down, honestly. Frankly, I can't imagine a less inconvenient time to serve on a civil case jury. Just a few days in between my semesters, no worries, a coupla bucks via check at the end. A chance for an intimate look at the world of the NY Court System. But no, eight more years before I get to try again...

Anyway, on the first day, before and during voir dire, I was in the process of holding it. I didn't want to be caught pants-around-the-ankles when my number was up. So until 1 in the afternoon, I was audibly not at ease. The med student patiently waiting next to me got an earful of something I'm not certain she could diagnose (she was just starting out in med school). Sometimes my belly does this when I don't permit it full access to pooping facilities - it starts to sing a little bit. A nice feature for me, but probably disconcerting to those around me, imagining smells that might not be there.

On the lunch hour, I got things done at a vegetarian Chinese restaurant. Ate some soy protein then made a deposit. No more howling in the afternoon. Never did get a chance to try out the crapper in the courthouse... hope I don't have to until 2019.

Happy Craps in 2011,

Dave

double pockets

2010-12-28T17:50:00.000-08:00

The opposite of burning clean?

Sometimes in the wiping process, it never ends. You get the outer layer clean, but you are suspicious. It's definitely not over. You dig in a little, maybe find a clean corner here, messy corner there, but it's hard to know when it ends. In my wiping method (small pieces, never big wads), you go for more discrete attempts than you normally would: a bunch of small, targeted stabs at the end that constantly uncover new, yet-uncleaned pockets. You eventually give up figuring you've reached a stable equilibrium, but particularly on a hot or cold (and hence layered) day, that sweat or extra fabric feels really unsettling the rest of the day. And the next one is clean or whatever. And you take a shower eventually.

impossible

2010-12-27T06:20:00.000-08:00

It is not possible to poop in space.

It is more possible to poop in a bank of snow.

Take care.

butter?

2010-11-29T20:22:00.001-08:00

I just couldn't believe how much stool there was. Again.

[see last post... still on that vibe...]

Bernoulli report

2010-11-22T12:31:00.000-08:00

Recently, an inverse relationship had made itself known. Namely:

-the frequency of my trips to duduk on the toilet seat have decreased, and relatedly

-the aggregate volume I deposit inside the toilet bowl has increased.

It's like you only go grocery shopping once a week but you buy a lot, instead of getting just what you need for that day.

If this occurs in the morning (the release of aggregate bolus), then it feels pretty satisfying. It also (the big load-drop) makes the smaller, more routine but equally meaningful deposits seem less significant, which is an illusion. Llord, give me clarity, or at least some celery (fiber, etc.).

quick (s)hits

2010-11-16T08:37:00.000-08:00

1. Sometimes it takes some unpleasant flatulence to make you realize how much less often you fart than you used to. I suppose it was a social thing, growing up male with a male sibling and mostly male friends: farting is always greenlit. But I almost never fart outside the confines of the doo-doo room these days. So the last week has been notably for my general gassiness. That's a nice name for a small store: General Gassiness. Or a character. Feel free to spread that one around, I relinquish all rights on that name. But give me a little freebie when you strike it rich, huh? Remember who your gassy friend is. Hopefully it's just a phase.

2. After admiring some of my handiwork (visually) last week for its lighter-than-water properties, I was struck by how much a particular crap of the last 24 hours sunk. Everything's been so floaty of late, and now we're living on the other side of the bowl. What did I eat? Oh yeah... corn chips & bread that day... never really had dinner... thanks for nothing, road tripping. Actually it was great.

huh?

2010-11-09T20:29:00.000-08:00

Why would you want to tell other people about your own stool?

Don't you think they've got their own stool to deal with?

Often problematically so?

Isn't this just talking to seem more impressive?

A notch in my belt - oh yeah, I blog about my feces, now listen to me saying that I do it?

Like having an experience more for the conversational capital than the actual experience?

Isn't what's best about pooping that it eschews such consumption? You do it so often and so viscerally that it often has to happen before you can get ready to, you know, scrapbook it?

Hence my focus on it: if I must blog, and I may not, I'd like it to be in such a realm. I like the small truth that comes quick and then gets flushed away, only to return later that afternoon in a setting halfway across the borough. Always a story to lead with, even if sometimes it's just politics.

always

2010-09-13T08:35:00.000-07:00

Every day, I am pooping.

Only some of the time am I updating this here thing.

I don't want you to think for a minute that I'm not pooping, however, this is just a recognition of the fact that when you do something every day, several times a day, you are often overwhelmed by the thought of chronicling it.

I just pooped. I was very morning-poop-like, appropriately enough. That would mean: full of meaning, not a quickie, cleansing, helping you rededicate yourself as you move forward. I was not smooth, it had interesting edges. It was dark. I'd like to eat some dal or some chapati in the near future.

tense

2010-08-29T20:56:00.000-07:00

Why, at this very moment, I have to poop.

You may ask, why are you writing about it, rather than doing it?

But I would say I am describing the contemporary condition.

And very soon I will just go ahead and poop.

Be well,

in regards to crab

2010-08-23T12:12:00.000-07:00

I have eaten crab three times in my life (knowingly). Once was Lynn's birthday this past May. Twice was in Java as part of a lunchtime seafood treat with Pak S & Bu M. The third time was this past Friday with BWB at Sriphaprai - fried soft-shell crab with green curry (with pumpkin!). Based on very little, I have gone into each experience expecting my poop to come out the other end on the runny kine. I don't really remember the first two times; if it was, it was nothing serious. This third time was also unremarkable, although I did poop probably five times on Saturday, which is a little high on the average these days, and the third was particular runny. Maybe it was the crab, maybe not. You see how what I'm describing is my self-conditioning, right?

bodies

2010-08-16T06:49:00.001-07:00

With an updated roster as of last Sunday, here are the major geographic bodies on which I can remember having pooped:

North America

Europe

Java

Ireland

Great Britain

Hawaii (as in the big island)

Long Island

Smaller:

Manhattan

one of the Harbor Islands off Boston

Eagle Island, ME

Deer Island, ME

Fire Island, NY

Aran Islands, IE (kind of speculation, it was 1991)

part of Hong Kong (where the airport is)

I think I've never gone on Staten Island.

You?

clean again

2010-08-03T07:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, it's not like it's been continuously clean since that last post about it, but this morning the burning clean syndrome saved my butt. Ha.

We were out of toilet paper, I was puttering this morning and eventually there was a sharp need for making doo doo, and quick-like. No time to get TP. However, I had not taken a shower yet and I am equipped with Javanese theories of what to do in lieu of TP, so I was not scared. Plus, there were like six squares left on the old roll. As it was happening, I was not confident we were burning clean, but when I went to wipe, guess what? No need for panic. Thanks, burning clean. I used like four squares anyway, just to be sure. 2 x 2.

curiousities

2010-07-29T06:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I crapped on two occasions such that while finished up, I stole a peripheral glance backwards and down, I thought, have I eaten beets or something recently? Blueberries? The color balance was not what it usually is you see. But this was kind of a more light yellow tinge, like seeing some kind of curry powder. Maybe there was something reddish in there too. Trying to remember that glimpse feels like trying to remember a dream. Let alone describe it to you.

clear (with exceptions)

2010-07-16T06:34:00.001-07:00

For the last week or so, I am burning incredibly clean. For those of you who have no idea what I mean by that, I mean that after I shit, I go to wipe and there's not much residue left to be cleaned up. One or two wipes of instinctual caution, and then I can pull my pants back up and wash the hands. Burning clean.

I can't recall from whom I got this expression, it's a pretty curious one. I've rarely said it out loud (given the subject matter in part, I guess), and I've got a suspicion, as I often do, that I'm using this idiom in a way that's incorrect. Maybe it commonly means something else. Maybe I made it up based on something I misheard someone say. The expression itself makes me think of oil coming out of the ground and being introduced to that little flame. Anyway, you, now, reading this, have three possible options: propagate my expression, do some research and tell me if I'm correct, or ignore this all together.

May your poops burn as clear as mine have been (the last one wasn't super clean, it was more of a three or four wipe scenario... and by the way, this is getting at the larger issue of how I wipe, but let's save that for another time).

ny clean

2010-07-05T11:43:00.000-07:00

Back in NYC now. In Java, I had the general feeling of "bowel allergies", which in my mind works like this: when I've got allergies in the states, I might feeling coughy, sneezey, itchy-eye-y, etc. in the morning, like every morning for a month, up til about 11 AM, after which point I feel fine. So it was in Java with my tummy: kind of feel like the shits are gonna take you over from waking up until 10 or 11 AM (often with no tangible crap to show for it), only to feel fine in the afternoon. So it went.

I've been back less than 72 hours. I must report that within the first 48, I had some very cathartic stuff. There's the feeling of having a shit you're just proud to have made, a real slate-clearing, hefty piece of work (Neal Hefti joke to be made?), and I think I've had like four of those in 48 hours. I don't want to take more than my fair share, but I guess I'm expelling something from my system. Very textured doo-doos also, these aren't the smooth, bland, grey kind of big ones, these are real, honest slate-clearers which clearly came from some real food.

Anyway, as ever, just wanted to share. Hope all your craps are happy ones!

forcing it; java

2010-06-17T03:35:00.000-07:00

So I've been in Solo, Central Java, Indonesia for the last two weeks (two to go). Plenty to talk about poop-wise, but I want to share this:

Most pooping in Java is done into literal shit holes - a squatting toilet with no flushing power. No toilet paper, instead you use your left hand and a bucket of water. I have yet to shit like this. Sort of. There was actually one morning when my kos (where I'm staying) was out of TP, so before my mandi (bucket shower), I had a shit, used water, used my hand a little, and used water again. Perfectly fine. The catch is that we've got a toilet, so I've yet to squat. There's the big difference. I don't feel as though I need to prove anything by squatting, I've done my share of shitting in the woods (I prefer a trowel to a shit hole most days).

Anyway, my teacher here has both the hole and the toilet. However, before today, I've never noticed TP in his bathroom (there ended up being some today). I had the runs yesterday, and in preparation for being at his place from 8 AM to about 2 or 3 PM, I took a roll of TP, just in case. Before I left this morning, tried to force the issue, even though it didn't feel like anything was there. Some sounds came out, but no solids. Then I closed up shop.

I was there until 4 PM, and nothing happened. I could have shit a few times, but today was a perfect example of just holding it. You kind of force yourself to close up, and then, as happened to me a little at 5 PM, it's hard to get things started again. You make a decision to lock it down (which I'll admit I used to do in the woods), and then the works don't get greased anew without a little concentration. Anyway, for now, no more runs, things are back to normal. Amen.

Happy pooping, campers!

Dave

arrangements

2010-05-12T19:02:00.000-07:00

This was a pretty good sequence:

- doctor reminds me I've been kind of anemic recently

- so I eat a cheeseburger for the second time in 2010 (that's an estimate [just not the same without ketchup])

- come home, realize I have to go start getting set up for a performance at school

- take a big, very solid, poop

- proceed with confidence to sound check & performance

Where I was coming from and where I was going really added depth to the catharsis of that shit. On it's own, it was still a pretty solid joint.

Mittag

2010-04-10T13:00:00.000-07:00

What a nice mid-afternoon crap today. Very cleansing, very solid; very good means through which to mark the day.

poop steward

2010-04-01T07:48:00.001-07:00

Most days, in addition to my own pooping activities, it's my job to bury and/or dispose of the feces my cat Sofa is unable to bury/dispose of herself. You could say I'm a poop steward. It's not the most pleasant part of my day, but I take the job seriously.

Way to poop, stinky cat. Poop on, pooper.

revisitings

2010-03-25T14:23:00.000-07:00

The last three days have felt wall-to-wall. This is a change of pace.

One of the effects of this scheduling density was that for the first time in months, I pooped at grad school. Early on in this blog (and its earlier twitter incarnation), I dwelled a lot on where I was pooping. Lately, it hasn't been school, or really outside of my home. This has a lot to do with the change in my diet affected sometime around New Year's. I'm on a classical Chinese acupuncture-recommended diet for several ailments, and I'm avoiding eating the following things:

-raw produce

-cold food & drinks

-nightshades in any form (potatoes, tomatoes, capsicum/peppers/chiles, eggplant, not to mention datura, belladonna, tobacco, etc.)

-aromatics like garlic, onions, shallots, leeks, scallions, etc.

-chocolate

-anything caffeinated (coffee, tea, chocolate, soda)

As you can imagine, cooking at home is a lot easier that eating out with these restrictions, particularly since restaurants often sneak onions and garlic into the darnedest things. Plus, my work this semester has me at home a lot, playing clarinet, programming in Max/MSP, composing around the apartment. So my food cycle is a lot more localized.

The story relevant to this medium however is that yesterday I crapped not once but twice in the great out there, once at school, once at a former work place (sort of in several senses). Both were perfectly enjoyable defecations, a little on the looser side, the second one had some franticness in front of it, a little bit of dancing around if you catch my drift. The first had a nice beet-induced patina, the second did not, and as I turned around to see the beet-infused guys go spinning, I wondered when the last beet-turd in that toilet was.

Tell me, if you, hypothetical reader, are in fact out there, [it's not crucial you identify yourself here, I'm just wondering abstractly] how was your last doo doo?

rare vos

2010-03-10T09:17:00.000-08:00

It's a rare day that it's 12:17 PM and the following two things are true:

1.) I have yet to defecate.

2.) I have no feeling that I will soon (aka the doo doo cravings).

This is often the case when I wake up earlier and have to get out the door for something - no time to be taken straight away upon waking, which can be a nice time, and no relaxed ~10 Am crap, rounded out by reading the paper and brushing the teeth. Today will be a different day, it seems.

2010-02-12T07:42:00.001-08:00

Still, dear reader, I am pooping regularly, against no odds.
Well, not regularly, but with frequency, I ought to say.
Regularity is for ladies who eat Activia. I like to live on the edge of the bowl.

having

2009-12-09T20:53:00.001-08:00

I've been having these intense gassy bouts in the last few days, particularly loud ones at that. Not unenjoyable, just not subtle.
I can remember freshman year of college being laughed at from the hall for such blasts. Understandably. When I rip, I rip bad.
It's hard when bathrooms lead to well-travelled halls and there's no door insulating. Huh.

gasss

2009-10-30T22:13:00.000-07:00

I've got the craps! The loud, gassy, liquidy craps! Woooooooo!

a promise

2009-10-15T08:21:00.000-07:00

I've seen some pretty good concerts at Death by Audio. I would say that I like it there, hard as it is to locate. However, from the first time I went there, I've kept a vow to myself never to poop there. The bathrooms were clearly constructed as an afterthought, they're your classic converted loft bathrooms, up a step or two from the floor. They're covered in art, which is nice, but the toilet seats are cracked, there's a kind of moisture that hangs in the air, what toilet paper there is tends to live on the sink (which often seems questionable itself). The doors do lock reliably, I'll give them that, but really, it's not a great place for it. To paraphrase Triumph, it would be like pooping on poop.
Last night, I was there once again, listening and participating in a show. I was gassy, perhaps from some eggs with beets (not from this), but I was determined to wait it out. I will cop to having farted a good bit in there, but I did not poop. Ergo, this is a post about not pooping, but it was a triumph.

recent prunes

2009-10-11T07:41:00.001-07:00

Now, I've never been a person who notices changes in my bowels based on what food(s) I eat. I just press on. There may be great fluctuation in my digestive cycle, but I don't really pay much nevermind. My policy is, eat what you want to eat, and unless things are really explosive or backed up, you're probably doing fine.

Also, I love prunes. Recent discovery. My first purchase was at Elly's Market one night a year or two ago, and now whenever I go to Sahadi's, I get a pound or a half-pound of prunes (with pits). Last time I went there, the prunes they gave me were (and are) massive. Usually, I eat two prunes in the morning if I remember they're there, which is about every third day. I may not pay attention to my eat/doo-doo correlations, but neither do I want to tempt fate. Anyway, these prunes are so large that I can only eat one at a time. I got a pound and I'm about halfway through. I think I'll go eat one right now...

pockets

2009-10-01T18:18:00.000-07:00

I had what felt like a great crap today after dinner. I thought of a metaphor at the time of a pocket. Sort of a play on the idea of being "in the pocket" as they say in music. It was as if I had found a pocket at the end of my digestive track and gotten not just the contents but all the little lint out of it, everything was out of there. Wow. The back, lower part of my body was the lightest part of my body. It was heavenly. I was floating.

But then I went into a concert. Halfway through, I had a headache but couldn't get out to take some Advil. So I sat, and it started to be a little migraine-y. Still kind of is. But then the poopy feeling started coming back. I've had maybe three, four migraines in my life, but I find there's a certain connection between them and the digestive ouchies. My pocket feeling became a thing of the past, and there's some grumbling going on back there. Woosh.

snot vs. crap

2009-09-29T08:39:00.000-07:00

As previously stated, I'm kind of sick. There's a lot of snot, aka mucus, around my skull at the moment.

I think if the way mucus flows and the ways I try to get rid of it. It's not pretty. I like to stand around, usually above a sink, perhaps in the shower if I'm already there, and blow out through my nose. I discovered this a few years back as being generally more cathartic than using a tissue. The problem with the tissue is that you can blow only as much as the capacity of the tissue. When using a sink or similar receptacle, you can blow freely until all the snot is out (or until something better comes along).

My snot two days ago was almost water. I bring this up on doodoobloggin because it's like those times when your poop is almost water. How can this be? you think. I know I'm of a high water content, but seriously body. Get something else in there, eh? The flow may be different, although the urge to let flow is quite similar, and both mucus and feces have the great ability to make an excreter think Holy cow, what the deuce is inside of me?

Woof.

2009-09-28T12:26:00.000-07:00

I'm sick. This is not impacting my doo doo all that much, but sometimes it does. And frankly it seems like a good sign that my poop is healthy, if it weren't, it might be H1N1 panic time, right? Just wanna be a part of the zeitgeist. A terrible thing to be left behind on.
Pooped on an island (twice!) this weekend. A small island. In Boston harbor. Perfectly nice place to do so.

2009-09-21T17:52:00.001-07:00

Oh, yesterday was a powerfully gassy day. Oh boy.

new rooms

2009-09-15T20:26:00.001-07:00

Where was it that I pooped today? Ah. Men's room, second floor of Gershwin Hall at BC. Surprisingly not that bad, despite general bustedness of bathroom. I'd been holding it for a while, so maybe it was the satisfaction of release, it's hard to tell sometimes. There's the physically good poop in the environmentally non-that-great place, and it's still a good poop. What you bring to the table is always more important than the setting, as every good writer should know.
Authorial doo doo.

more vegetal?

2009-09-03T08:27:00.000-07:00

The pooping situation at Br. College may be less fruitful than I had hoped. You see, my initial reconnaissance was during the summer, when there's far lower usage. Scanning the various library bathrooms yesterday, I was confronted with some larger turds which had been left behind, rather than the calm, clean bathrooms I had previously experienced. The ratio of people to bathrooms is not so good, and the usual spots (in abstract unis) in which to find good poop-spots have not really paid off as of yet. I'll keep looking, but I may be holding it more often these days. Then again, I did plenty of pooping at previous work position, at an music school in Manhattan with mediocre bathroom options (they've gotten better recently).

nuts!

2009-08-29T10:57:00.000-07:00

Can a person poop wistfully?
Or, what even is that?

Whistfully.

past it

2009-08-23T08:10:00.000-07:00

Somewhere in the last few days, I broke through. Finally got past that post-California sort of backed-up feeling I'd been having. I'm now alternating between the gassy poo and the seaweed poo.

The gassy poo is a good thing to talk about. Often, when I say I defecated five times in one day, it will really mean that I had maybe half solid poos (big or small, whatever) and half gassy poos. Perhaps you know the type. Gas that feels too significant to not sit down on the pot. When you look at it, there's very little to point to and say, yes, that came out of me; maybe just some elements of brown scum floating at the top. Maybe a little small deposit straight down. These are the gassy poos.

The seaweed poo, for lack of a better term comes out a lot at a time. It's pretty loose, feels like it's going to go on forever, and usually has a high liquid content. When the flow stops, you're at first thinking, this is probably not really done yet. But after you get up and go elsewhere, it occurs to you that it was a pretty cathartic trip to the loo, you're pretty much cleaned out. This is in marked contrast to the gassy poo, which always comes in groups over the course of a day, and hence engenders the feeling that you're never done gassy pooing (until your poo type changes).

scenes

2009-08-15T21:54:00.000-07:00

I was in the Adirondacks, however, I did not poop in the woods.
I was on a Greyhound bus, however, I did not poop onboard said bus.
I did pee in the woods, and onboard the bus.
But this is not a blog about peeing.

I pooped. In a Greyhound bus station terminal that doubles as a hotel. Really quite fine. Feeling pretty good in the pooping department. A poop after a swim can be nice.

waiting for doo-dot

2009-08-12T07:35:00.001-07:00

I don't think I've ever been formally constipated in my life. Maybe the wheels are turning a little slower; maybe boluses are having a somewhat harder time finding their way from my intestines into the light. But I can always poop, even if it's only a bit.
For the last few weeks, things have been turning slower than usual, which results in more sit-down trips to the toilet with about the same total output. What I'm waiting for is that one cathartic crap that breaks the streak, opens things back up to normal output, and hence saves me those extra trips (and provides catharthis!). I will call this poop "doo-dot" (doo-doh phonetically), not because I never expect it, but simply because it's the first thing I thought of.

end of the day #1

2009-08-10T21:36:00.001-07:00

Let's just say today was more of a gassy day than a true heavy-pooping day. Some tease-y poops.

2009-08-09T16:16:00.000-07:00

Amazing! Went to lunch today and the topic of the last post, beet-poop, was discussed without me motivating it! Asparagus-pee too! The world is a magical, crazy place.

reds

2009-08-09T10:29:00.000-07:00

People often talk about the refraction period of urine as affected by asparagus. People talk (in my sphere) less often about the refraction periods of poop as affected by beets. I ate a delicious beet (and radicchio and mozzarella) salad on Friday, an my poop is still beet-ish. Of course, beet-poop is a beautiful, sunset-reminiscent affair, but there's that point where it stops being about beet and you're just like, huh, is that bloody stool?
Maybe I should eat more yellow beets if this dilemma is too much for me. But it isn't. I'll eat more red beets. Things will be great.

First off

2009-08-05T13:01:00.000-07:00

These little balls around the text field are poop. I didn't make them, yet they are poop.