in regards to crab

I have eaten crab three times in my life (knowingly). Once was Lynn's birthday this past May. Twice was in Java as part of a lunchtime seafood treat with Pak S & Bu M. The third time was this past Friday with BWB at Sriphaprai - fried soft-shell crab with green curry (with pumpkin!). Based on very little, I have gone into each experience expecting my poop to come out the other end on the runny kine. I don't really remember the first two times; if it was, it was nothing serious. This third time was also unremarkable, although I did poop probably five times on Saturday, which is a little high on the average these days, and the third was particular runny. Maybe it was the crab, maybe not. You see how what I'm describing is my self-conditioning, right?

bodies

With an updated roster as of last Sunday, here are the major geographic bodies on which I can remember having pooped:

North America

Europe

Java

Ireland

Great Britain

Hawaii (as in the big island)

Long Island

Smaller:

Manhattan

one of the Harbor Islands off Boston

Eagle Island, ME

Deer Island, ME

Fire Island, NY

Aran Islands, IE (kind of speculation, it was 1991)

part of Hong Kong (where the airport is)

I think I've never gone on Staten Island.

You?

clean again

Okay, it's not like it's been continuously clean since that last post about it, but this morning the burning clean syndrome saved my butt. Ha.

We were out of toilet paper, I was puttering this morning and eventually there was a sharp need for making doo doo, and quick-like. No time to get TP. However, I had not taken a shower yet and I am equipped with Javanese theories of what to do in lieu of TP, so I was not scared. Plus, there were like six squares left on the old roll. As it was happening, I was not confident we were burning clean, but when I went to wipe, guess what? No need for panic. Thanks, burning clean. I used like four squares anyway, just to be sure. 2 x 2.

curiousities

Yesterday, I crapped on two occasions such that while finished up, I stole a peripheral glance backwards and down, I thought, have I eaten beets or something recently? Blueberries? The color balance was not what it usually is you see. But this was kind of a more light yellow tinge, like seeing some kind of curry powder. Maybe there was something reddish in there too. Trying to remember that glimpse feels like trying to remember a dream. Let alone describe it to you.

clear (with exceptions)

For the last week or so, I am burning incredibly clean. For those of you who have no idea what I mean by that, I mean that after I shit, I go to wipe and there's not much residue left to be cleaned up. One or two wipes of instinctual caution, and then I can pull my pants back up and wash the hands. Burning clean.

I can't recall from whom I got this expression, it's a pretty curious one. I've rarely said it out loud (given the subject matter in part, I guess), and I've got a suspicion, as I often do, that I'm using this idiom in a way that's incorrect. Maybe it commonly means something else. Maybe I made it up based on something I misheard someone say. The expression itself makes me think of oil coming out of the ground and being introduced to that little flame. Anyway, you, now, reading this, have three possible options: propagate my expression, do some research and tell me if I'm correct, or ignore this all together.

May your poops burn as clear as mine have been (the last one wasn't super clean, it was more of a three or four wipe scenario... and by the way, this is getting at the larger issue of how I wipe, but let's save that for another time).

ny clean

Back in NYC now. In Java, I had the general feeling of "bowel allergies", which in my mind works like this: when I've got allergies in the states, I might feeling coughy, sneezey, itchy-eye-y, etc. in the morning, like every morning for a month, up til about 11 AM, after which point I feel fine. So it was in Java with my tummy: kind of feel like the shits are gonna take you over from waking up until 10 or 11 AM (often with no tangible crap to show for it), only to feel fine in the afternoon. So it went.

I've been back less than 72 hours. I must report that within the first 48, I had some very cathartic stuff. There's the feeling of having a shit you're just proud to have made, a real slate-clearing, hefty piece of work (Neal Hefti joke to be made?), and I think I've had like four of those in 48 hours. I don't want to take more than my fair share, but I guess I'm expelling something from my system. Very textured doo-doos also, these aren't the smooth, bland, grey kind of big ones, these are real, honest slate-clearers which clearly came from some real food.

Anyway, as ever, just wanted to share. Hope all your craps are happy ones!

forcing it; java

So I've been in Solo, Central Java, Indonesia for the last two weeks (two to go).  Plenty to talk about poop-wise, but I want to share this:

Most pooping in Java is done into literal shit holes - a squatting toilet with no flushing power.  No toilet paper, instead you use your left hand and a bucket of water.  I have yet to shit like this.  Sort of.  There was actually one morning when my kos (where I'm staying) was out of TP, so before my mandi (bucket shower), I had a shit, used water, used my hand a little, and used water again.  Perfectly fine.  The catch is that we've got a toilet, so I've yet to squat.  There's the big difference.  I don't feel as though I need to prove anything by squatting, I've done my share of shitting in the woods (I prefer a trowel to a shit hole most days).

Anyway, my teacher here has both the hole and the toilet.  However, before today, I've never noticed TP in his bathroom (there ended up being some today).  I had the runs yesterday, and in preparation for being at his place from 8 AM to about 2 or 3 PM, I took a roll of TP, just in case.  Before I left this morning, tried to force the issue, even though it didn't feel like anything was there.  Some sounds came out, but no solids.  Then I closed up shop.

I was there until 4 PM, and nothing happened.  I could have shit a few times, but today was a perfect example of just holding it.  You kind of force yourself to close up, and then, as happened to me a little at 5 PM, it's hard to get things started again.  You make a decision to lock it down (which I'll admit I used to do in the woods), and then the works don't get greased anew without a little concentration.  Anyway, for now, no more runs, things are back to normal.  Amen.

Happy pooping, campers!

Dave