keep it quick

I've been having some extra fun butt stuff since June. I'm mostly fine, but it's annoying. I finally got a diagnosis last week - a superficial fistula, resulting from an internal fissure. It manifests as a hemorrhoid (the doc said there's a continuum between skin tags and hemorrhoids, fwiw). I'm on some topical meds that hopefully will take care of it, and if not, there's a fairly quick and straightforward surgical option.

I've had hammer-hoids before, I've taken a handful of Sitz baths in my lifetime. But part of the doc's advice was about how to poop, which is interesting. She said wait until you really have to poop to even sit down, and then try to be as brief as possible in sitting on the throne, like 2-5 min.

It's actually not that hard for me to keep the poop clock low, I can get it done quick normally. What's harder is peeing on time. In the past 10 years I've really become a sit down when I pee kind of person. It's easier, less messy, quieter, generally preferrable in my eyes. But the pee takes more time to show up sitting down, and part of the scrip right now is less time sitting with my butthole open to the toilet bowl.

And so, I am standing up to pee lately, and it makes me realize that I pee A LOT in terms of volume. I knew that was true w/r/t frequency, but I'm now appreciating how large of a volume I pee most times I pee. I am one hyrdrated sucker, I tell ya. Who knew?

Anyway, spare a thought for my poor ravaged anus & surrounding area, hopefully I can avoid this surgery and keep things nice & clean. 

high on your own supply

Sometimes I fall in love with the smell of my own poop. Right now is one of those times.

I'm pooping less of late, sometimes even just once a day. And when I do the big poop, in the morning, I think to myself, wow, how fragrant, how refreshing!

I know it's dangerous to think your poop smells like roses, and I don't think it's floral or anything like that. No roses here. It's just distinct and comforting, this poop. It smells like a kind of home. I like this phenomenon. 

I'll level with you

Listen, you're an adult and I respect you, so I'm going to level with you.

They can't all be poops.

I wish it weren't true, but we don't live in that edenic world where it's just poops all day long. We're not there... yet. 

DKWYGTIG

Joni was right, you don't know what you've got til it's (temporarily in this case) gone.

Spending two days pooping not at my own home is tough! Bad poops! I don't care for it. The angles for wiping were weird, the TP was not my preference, the angle for feet/knees was suboptimal. 

This is no one's fault, but gosh what a pleasure to be able to customize your toilet set up to your own body! Awfully glad to be home and dumping right.

dump dreams

I had a dream last night just before I woke up at 7:45am. This dream ended with me going into a bathroom stall and being about to dump. I woke up and had to do a gassy quasi-dump tout de suite.

I've had a few similar dreams recently where in the dream I really had to pee or shit. When I was a kid, there was lots of talk about "if you pee in a dream then you piss the bed in real life", and the same for poop. I have no idea if this is true or not, but it is interesting that I'm putting the idea to the test in my 40s. So far, I have not excreted whilst dreaming, and hopefully it stays that way, but I'll let you know if it changes. 

mucus pupus 2

I think it would be really satisfying to shit out mucus. Seems like sensually, physically, that would feel really nice. What the mucus would be doing there, that's another story, but come on, it would be cool, right?

unsilent in the morning

You know that Phish song "Silent in the Morning"? It's not about me. I don't fart that much these days, but in the 30 min after I wake up (and before I do usually my largest dump of the day), I tend to let out some healthy farts. Not sure who that song is about, maybe Page is an SBD in the AM kind of guy or something.