To Wipe the Unwipeable Shite

I took a poop at a respected music venue tonight.  They have a stall in the men's room that has within it a sink.  I love pooping there.  Washing one's hands before putting all one's things back on is a great luxury.

It was right about 8pm and the show figured to start at 10 after.  I did the pushing out pretty quick-like but then there was some clean up to do.  The toilet paper was pretty unsatisfactory, too thin (and I like thinner stuff in general).  Didn't fold up into a useable wad as I'd like.  I needed more wipes than I'm accustomed to.  Bummed, so to speak.  It was taking a while.  I had to stand up to get better leverage.  I kind of rushed it.  Cleaned up, went in and saw the show, got in just as they closed the doors.

There's the sitting down thing that happens when you maybe haven't wiped A+ level, and you're kind of like, I'm probably just getting shit on myself or my undies or whatever.  And you're probably not, but you feel like you are.  Maybe you stand up (or refuse to sit) more than you normally would because you don't want to chance it and think if you can wait 15 minutes and wipe again everything will be fine.

Show ended, I didn't go running back to the bathroom.  Went to a bar with a friend, ordered my drink, and immediately went to the loo.  Occupied.  So I had to sit down again.  Played it cool.  Got in the john eventually, did a little more wiping without any more pushing out.  Had a remnant or two.  It was the pocket feeling, like there's a pocket of gooey waste around your butthole that can produce ad infinitum.  I did the best I could in a cramped bar bathroom.  Felt fine.

Was just peeing back at home and I thought, let's take an exploratory wipe, see what happens.  Sure enough, still some detritus back there.  Will it ever end?  Maybe this just goes until shower time tomorrow.  These are ridiculous shits, when this happens.

Media Tip #2

For a good read, on the crapper or otherwise, check out Ronald Blumer's fine new book Wiped: The Curious History of Toilet Paper.  It came my way because, well, when you operate a blog about dookies these things tend to make their way towards you, and while it's a modestly sized, self-published looking thingie, it's got a lot of insight and a lot of heart.  Not all of the book is about toilet paper per se, there's some fine comparisons between paper & hand wiping, talk about the history of plumbing, and things of that nature.  But it made me want to talk about these subjects with other people and analyze the systems that deal with our shit today (and those of the past as well), so it's a winner to me.  Sure to make you think.  Possibly will also make you poop.

this is weird

At an "art supply" store.

I would not utilize such a product, despite my enthusiasm for turds.  A little too cutesy, in the words of Anthony Braxton.

Media Tip #1

If you listen to this, you'll hear a song called "I'm Gonna Poop Into a Wormhole".  Which is great:

http://www.onthemedia.org/story/tldr-hundred-songs/

The Toilet Bowl Cleaners is the name of the band I believe.

They Call This Optimism

Isn't it amazing how truly exciting taking a dump is?  Almost every time?

In the waiting room of my mind

Hi, Dave? You had that 10:30 appointment for a big steamy dump? You can come on in now, we're ready for you.

poop inside of birds

Linguistically, turducken = turd-dookin
It is the poopiest of edible bird-on-bird constructions
A thought just for you in time for the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday.