I blew it

I had a nice thing going for a while. Or, a different and remarkable thing for me.

I have remarked on here in recent times that the morning dump has for me become when I excrete most of the feces that I excrete in a day. It used to be more meted out over the course of the day. This remains true.

What changed for a couple weeks there last month was that the morning dump became one very large and solid log. I can't recall in my life having such a consistent run of non-separated turds. I imagine for many people, this is how it is all the time. 

To be honest, I'm not sure it was better. I think the long, unbroken turd is more photogenic, it's more known. It's the charismatic megafauna of the feces world. But when you get right down to it, I'm someone who prefers a bundle of smaller logs to one giant one. It's just what I'm used to. Maybe it's the underdog? There need not be a value judgment for these things, but ultimately I do have one.

Anyway, I have regressed to the mean. Things are more like they were before now, but I figured I'd mention the little change.

doc manahatta

Somehow

Magically, and also in the most pedestrian, quotidian way

The food that you have not yet eaten, but will eat some day

Is already your stool

 

Even though it's yet to go into your mouth, it's going to be grown, harvested, processed, etc

And then you'll find your way to it, it to you

You have a beautiful (or wretched) time of intersection with it in your mouth

Your body does the work it does on it to make it a dump

The butt ejects it from its day or so inside of you, having stripped it for parts aka calories

Food no longer, but dump, and specifically, your dump, and also, some remnants remain part of you

 

And it was always this way

You were a bullet heading for the food even as it was growing

A story told by bards and poets for centuries of the intertwining

a hypothetical

If, hypothetically, I could have the option to control how my dumps came out, I would not choose to have them all be perfect, resistance-free, fair-smelling affairs. No. I would want them to reflect my moods. 

Sometimes, I would want a clean & long one-piece shit. Sometimes I would want a loose & messy one. Sometimes, I'd want it to take a while, other times it would come out comically fast. Sometimes I'd want no smell, other times I'd want something funky to dress things up. A loud dump can be a clarion call some of the time, other times you want stealth.

Dumps: they're the spice of life 🌶

across pond comparison

I was in Europe last week for the first time in seven years. Specifically, I was in Ireland. The toilets, they're a little different over there as you may have noticed yourself. Here's my feedback on a week of Irish shitting:

- It's a little thrilling and a little chilling how much farther the poop falls to the water. Splashes sound bigger and can be bigger, it echoes more. I like the less water usage, but also maybe it could be a shallower bowl? It's exciting but not always in a good way, I'd say.

- It's really hard to see your stool in those toilets! I didn't used to do this, but these days, I like to look at my stool and see what color it is, how hard/soft, etc. And in those deep Irish toilets, it's harder to perceive. Five demerits. Show me my own work!

- Another five demerits for the design change from standard US toilets that makes it harder to kind of tuck up your junk in the battlements of the seat/bowl when you're wiping. I felt like I was all over the place and undirected and flopping everywhere. I didn't care for that. I'll stick to my own crapper, thank you.

returning to form

For the last three months, my stool was of a loose quality, and it was coming frequently, like 3-6 times a day. Why? I was on meds. A rheumatologist put me on some anti-inflammation meds to try to address my long term health stuff (it didn't help), and the side effect most notable was shitting a lot, and loosely.

I stopped those meds five days ago and it's been nice to watch my stool return to its more familiar form. It's cohering more, it's in larger formations, it's calling me to action fewer times a day. What a relief solid stool is when it's been a stranger in your house for oh these many moons!

PPB: how hard?

When you piss,

how hard do you piss

??

what about the feet?

Over the last year or so, I've become really attached to elevating my feet and legs whilst pooping. I didn't seek this out. My partner got a cute little yellow trash can for our bathroom, and it sits right in front of where legs go for poopers. One time, I was having a hard time getting it all out, and so I gave it a whirl. It was the right height to improve the angle. I guess I liked it and particularly for the big morning dumps, I starting making use of it. Gradually, gradually, it's gotten so dumping without elevating the feet just seems stupid, and when I go somewhere and can't elevate, it's like, what the hell?

I stand here before you a changed man. I now enjoy for to have the better angle while dumping. Maybe you do too?