Friday, June 24, 2016

It's not a contest

... this morning's winner is a gross dump from Brooklyn, NY.  Congratulations on your win this morning.  What would you like to say about your victory?

[dump]

Saturday, June 4, 2016

Our Surrounding Environs

Once in a while you notice that for some period of time - three of four hours, maybe - you haven't been aware of anyone defecating at or near you.  It doesn't mean they haven't been doing it, you just for a change haven't been so aware of all the shitting that goes around in your vicinity.

Monday, May 23, 2016

To shit the unwipable shit

I took a shit at work today, around 4:45pm.  A lot of wiping.  I didn't feel completely, totally clean in the way you'd like to be (I'm talking about my asshole here), but I was at work, and I was using the toilet that doesn't always flush well (which is a silly thing to say, because if you hold it long enough, it's fine), and I was like I'll be fine.  So I was done.  And it wasn't like, I was walking around thinking there's definitely more particulate shit matter in between my butt cheeks and this is a problem, it was like, oh, there might be a little extra action doing on down there.  So I went to the bathroom to pee at like 7:55pm, and I took an extra wipe or two, and they were faintly brown.  Whatever.  I went to a thing for work, and then when I was there, at like 8:45pm, I peed again, and I wiped again, same deal.  It's 10:06pm, I'll pee again soon, maybe give another wipe, and there'll be some brown residue probably.  I don't care really, but it's just kind of like, what does a guy have to do, what's it gonna take to get you in a nice clean asshole today?

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Dump Burger

You go to your local Dump Burger, and you're like "Hi... hmm... I'd like one Dump Burger... and can I get that with chili and onions?", and they're like, sure, sure you can.  And you're like, "and can I get some of the thick gravy on that too, all over the top of it?" and they say yes sir.  And you go "okay cool and what sides do you like?" and they're like they're all good and you're like "but what goes well with a Dump Burger with chili and onions and dump gravy?" and they think about it for a sec and you're like, "you know what, listen, can you just like, I mean, what I want is if you could take a dump, just take a dump yourself, and put it in one of those little red and white paper containers that sides come in, do you think that you could accurately take a dump (I mean I don't want you to do anything unsanitary) in that and give it to me so I can have it on the side of my Dump Burger?".  Sure.  Sure, of course you can have that.  Because this is Dump Burger.

you can cut the cake now

I think my nose doesn't usually register the scent of a shit until I've wiped my ass once.  When you get into the fecal remnant on your butt hole, it lets you know it's there, scent-wise.  And then soon after that, you flush.

Saturday, February 27, 2016

nasal neighborhood

The most common smell association I get from my own stool is probably hard-boiled eggs.  Specifically, the yolk.  I don't eat a lot of hard-boiled eggs, but to my nose, my poop often smells in the neighborhood of them.  At least more than it smells like any other (non-poop) common associations I have.

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

stool in multiple senses

It's been a choppy time of late.  I feel like I can't get a clear line on it.  The sitting position I take for taking a dump just doesn't feel right, and things come out not cathartically and in many pieces.  I feel like I have more in there when I'm done.

I did have one pretty glorious one a few weeks back when I put my feet up on my partner's little box of menstrual products (don't tell her!).  Sort of squatting toilet style but with less dramatic angles.  Things opened up more with that one.  But other times I've tried that technique and it hasn't had as much success.  Maybe it's more a matter of diet right now.  Diet hasn't changed but you never know... has it?  I'm gonna keep investigating knee position and use of an additional stool (of sorts) to make things better.  The world is full of so many things & options.