Friday, November 10, 2017

minestrone

I have never had minestrone soup before, but my concept of it is that it's similar in both smell and texture to the dump I just took.

Thursday, October 12, 2017

when you get to make a nice thing

Sometimes, you're in the middle of a long or stressful job, and you have to take a shit but you can't because you're a responsible/generous/sucker of a person, and you can't reasonable take a dump without things falling apart.  I found this morning when in that situation, if I thought "this is gonna be a great dump when I get to take it", it sowed some optimism and buoyed my mood.  Normally, I like to dump when I have to dump.  But in this case it was not so bad, even a little pleasant.

PS it was indeed a really good dump, sort of knobby but benevolently so

Thursday, September 28, 2017

no apologies

I wrote last year about how I want to share my support of others when they've had a big crap in the loo just before I go in there.  It's not a thing of shame at all, it's something we can find solidarity around.

Last night in midtown Manhattan, I was at a restaurant.  I was waiting for a minute to get into the single stall bathroom.  The person before me came out, made eye contact with me, which is rare, and then gave a little performative "I'm sorry about that" shrug, all wordlessly.  I'd never experienced that before.

I wanted to say it wasn't necessary - first off, the seat was down (this was a men's room, so I don't know the person before me took a dump, but the odds are good) and it barely smelled of shit.  So even if I felt vengeful for being subjected to the shit-smell of another, nothing to worry about there.  But I don't, and I hope that person never feels the need to give that shrug to anyone ever again.  Poop it out and do it proud, I say.  Stink up the joint... for me!!!

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

hard to say goodbye

Sometimes I regret the incredibly brief periods of time I get to spend my with poop before I flush it away.  For the record, I look back, and the other day, I was looking back, saw the few discrete turds I'd produced, and wondered about them.  What their journey to becoming those turds was like, what their aspirations were.  And I just covered them up with TP and flushed them.  Cold.  Maybe some day I'll have my life better set up to know each shit a little better.

Friday, August 25, 2017

dispatch from W.I.P.E.

We're very lucky to have an all too rare dispatch from the field!  This one comes from DDB reader W.I.P.E. (Wisconsin Pooping Experience).  Dated 8/17/17, it reads:

"Dear Doo Doo,
For the last two months I have primarily been shitting in an outhouse, which as caused some observations about Doo Doo I do think you'll be interested in.
First, is the sense of finality in Flushing.  One poops, wipes, and flushes, and for me, and I think for many of us, the flush is an act of finality, the culmination, the indication of the end of the poop (although there is pulling up your pants* & washing your hands**, which is perhaps more post-poop ritual than poop).  Without anything to flush in the outhouse, the poop act feels strangely incomplete.  I suppose this is all conditioning, because we poopers have not always had flushers.  One could retrain oneself to think of the pulling up of the pants* as the culmination. 
Second, is the post-poop inspection.  Noting the stool for signs of health, loose or knotted, dark or light, yes I did have beets and corn for dinner last night, etc. etc.  This fecal check-in simply does not exist in an outhouse.  It all disappears down a hole in the ground, never to be seen again, or at least not analyzed uniquely aside from its new pooped neighbors.
Still, I have nothing against the outhouse doo doo experience, simply that [it] is different.
Sincerely yours,
W.I.P.E."

DDB editor's notes:
* - or whatever
** - if you're into that kind of thing

W.I.P.E., thank you for these eloquent thoughts.  I've personally not pooped in a proper outhouse in some years, but it is truly a fruitful place for thinking about the rituals we all have around shitting.  Examining the nature of poop rituals and prizing solitude vs socializing is really interesting with multiple-seat outhouses.  I hope you've got one of those.  I'd also think a lot about the idea of splash back in flush toilets vs outhouses, and the attendant sounds that go with each if I were in your place.  Given my recent bowel escapades, the post-poop inspection you mention is particularly important for me now, so I'll happily stay with my flush model for the present time.  Meantime, many happy non-flushings to you out in the great dairy state!

As a reminder to you other readers, DDB always welcome your thoughts on pooping!

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

what's going on up there?

Well, I've had a colonoscopy.  Some doctors put a camera up my butt and looked around.  Not such a bad thing at all.  No picnic, but nothing to fear either.

The most interesting part was taking the stuff that makes you shit beforehand.  It's very salty tasting liquid, and in this case, you drink a cup every 15 min.  About 90 minutes after you start, it all comes tumbling down.  It said it would be watery stool, but what I didn't expect was the force with which the water would exit my butthole.  It was like a damn firehose.  Comically so.  Out loud, to no one, I made exclamations.  It was like a comedy show gag.  But over a long period of time.  So that's something you can have fun with.

Being under general anesthetic for the first time was not much fun at all, but the aftermath had a nice thing or two to it.  One was lying down and being aware of how empty your bowels were.  Kind of a cool feeling.  I often think of what it must feel like after you get, say, a hysterectomy, and your guts reshape to fill in for something that used to be there.  This was like a small and temporary version of that perhaps.

Also cool was getting some snaps of what they saw.  Some things are private... but not much, so here's two shots of what I'm working with:



Tuesday, August 15, 2017

IO

It's worth saying again, or maybe this is the first time I'm saying it, that I'm always tickled and baffled by people who have a clear sense of "if I eat this, it will make my bowels react like X".  I go about my eating as if it had nothing to do with my shitting (and as someone who farts very little, that's not much of a factor either).  Maybe people think this about cheese, or bread, or meat, or certain vegetables?  I don't know.

One time I ate a bunch of cherries and had to shit shortly after and thought the two might be related.

Also there's a great Nigerian restaurant I go to sometimes that when I get the pepper soup, I can tell when that's the thing that coming out of my butt.

But other than those two things, it's all blissfully unconnected for me.  Perhaps it's because there are few forms of fecal output that stress me out.  I'm okay with some loose stool if that's the price for food I want.  Seems like stomach pain would be more of a deterrent to me, various forms of stool are mostly interesting, not daunting.

All this is despite all my dietary mishegas, which is essentially about cause and effect.  But blessedly, so far for me, none of the effect things are digestion-based.