Thursday, September 19, 2019

philharpoopic

I'm working in a new office. There's a men's room nearby with four stalls, three urinals, and two sinks.

Yesterday I went to take a shit there. I chose second stall from the right (from the shitter's perspective). Eventually, all four stalls were full. It was wonderful. I was reveling in the sounds of it all. My shit was kind of a soft one, the only real sound was the sound of the feces hitting the water, and not in an explosive way, in a gentle letting it down kind of way. One of the other shitters was similar.

There was the separate sonic color of the adjusting feet squeaks, the paper tearing, the guttural sounds, and the flushing. I was all so symphonic and I felt like I was part of a piece by one of the Russians who was a master orchestrator, Rimsky-Korsakov of Stravinsky, or maybe Bartok. It was perfect and beautiful and I look forward to more orchestral shits in this bathroom.

Saturday, September 14, 2019

don't even talk to me before

I am not a coffee drinker, it's been probably nine years since I last ordered a coffee. Coffee seems great but it's not for me, and neither is caffeine in general. I wake up pretty easily, once I'm up, I'm up, I can do complex things within a few minutes of rolling out of bed (often doing creative stuff at that time is real good for me). So, the bumpsticker/mug/t-shirt mentality of "don't even talk to me before I've had my coffee!" is something I don't relate to. Nor do I relate to the "it's always 5 o'clock somewhere!" mentality but that's another thought.

That said, this morning, waking at 7am on a Saturday and working the annual shift I do for my CSA, I left the house before taking a shit, which is rare. If I'm going to work and this occurs, usually I'll make a b-line for the crapper. Unable to slip away for 45 minutes after I started working this shift, I felt that feeling coffee people might feel of don't even talk to me I can barely function until I take this shit how are other people doing it I'm so fixated. And then you take the shit and wow everything's pretty cool all of a sudden, as if by some fecal magic.