Wednesday, February 12, 2014

To Wipe the Unwipeable Shite

I took a poop at a respected music venue tonight.  They have a stall in the men's room that has within it a sink.  I love pooping there.  Washing one's hands before putting all one's things back on is a great luxury.

It was right about 8pm and the show figured to start at 10 after.  I did the pushing out pretty quick-like but then there was some clean up to do.  The toilet paper was pretty unsatisfactory, too thin (and I like thinner stuff in general).  Didn't fold up into a useable wad as I'd like.  I needed more wipes than I'm accustomed to.  Bummed, so to speak.  It was taking a while.  I had to stand up to get better leverage.  I kind of rushed it.  Cleaned up, went in and saw the show, got in just as they closed the doors.

There's the sitting down thing that happens when you maybe haven't wiped A+ level, and you're kind of like, I'm probably just getting shit on myself or my undies or whatever.  And you're probably not, but you feel like you are.  Maybe you stand up (or refuse to sit) more than you normally would because you don't want to chance it and think if you can wait 15 minutes and wipe again everything will be fine.

Show ended, I didn't go running back to the bathroom.  Went to a bar with a friend, ordered my drink, and immediately went to the loo.  Occupied.  So I had to sit down again.  Played it cool.  Got in the john eventually, did a little more wiping without any more pushing out.  Had a remnant or two.  It was the pocket feeling, like there's a pocket of gooey waste around your butthole that can produce ad infinitum.  I did the best I could in a cramped bar bathroom.  Felt fine.

Was just peeing back at home and I thought, let's take an exploratory wipe, see what happens.  Sure enough, still some detritus back there.  Will it ever end?  Maybe this just goes until shower time tomorrow.  These are ridiculous shits, when this happens.