Thursday, July 29, 2010


Yesterday, I crapped on two occasions such that while finished up, I stole a peripheral glance backwards and down, I thought, have I eaten beets or something recently? Blueberries? The color balance was not what it usually is you see. But this was kind of a more light yellow tinge, like seeing some kind of curry powder. Maybe there was something reddish in there too. Trying to remember that glimpse feels like trying to remember a dream. Let alone describe it to you.

Friday, July 16, 2010

clear (with exceptions)

For the last week or so, I am burning incredibly clean. For those of you who have no idea what I mean by that, I mean that after I shit, I go to wipe and there's not much residue left to be cleaned up. One or two wipes of instinctual caution, and then I can pull my pants back up and wash the hands. Burning clean.
I can't recall from whom I got this expression, it's a pretty curious one. I've rarely said it out loud (given the subject matter in part, I guess), and I've got a suspicion, as I often do, that I'm using this idiom in a way that's incorrect. Maybe it commonly means something else. Maybe I made it up based on something I misheard someone say. The expression itself makes me think of oil coming out of the ground and being introduced to that little flame. Anyway, you, now, reading this, have three possible options: propagate my expression, do some research and tell me if I'm correct, or ignore this all together.
May your poops burn as clear as mine have been (the last one wasn't super clean, it was more of a three or four wipe scenario... and by the way, this is getting at the larger issue of how I wipe, but let's save that for another time).

Monday, July 5, 2010

ny clean

Back in NYC now. In Java, I had the general feeling of "bowel allergies", which in my mind works like this: when I've got allergies in the states, I might feeling coughy, sneezey, itchy-eye-y, etc. in the morning, like every morning for a month, up til about 11 AM, after which point I feel fine. So it was in Java with my tummy: kind of feel like the shits are gonna take you over from waking up until 10 or 11 AM (often with no tangible crap to show for it), only to feel fine in the afternoon. So it went.

I've been back less than 72 hours. I must report that within the first 48, I had some very cathartic stuff. There's the feeling of having a shit you're just proud to have made, a real slate-clearing, hefty piece of work (Neal Hefti joke to be made?), and I think I've had like four of those in 48 hours. I don't want to take more than my fair share, but I guess I'm expelling something from my system. Very textured doo-doos also, these aren't the smooth, bland, grey kind of big ones, these are real, honest slate-clearers which clearly came from some real food.

Anyway, as ever, just wanted to share. Hope all your craps are happy ones!