Monday, April 3, 2017

Dumplock Holmes

Sometimes I consider myself a forensic dumpologist.  An amateur forensic dumpologist, of course.  No one pays me for my time and my insights.  In other words I like to think about the mechanics of the bathroom.

Some times you think, did that person take a dump?  And then you use some visual and olfactory clues to see if they did.  Not because they did something wrong or gross, just that the biographical info of where and how this person dumps are general things they're unlikely to share with you in conversation.  Maybe you notice some dump marks on the toilet bowl, and you have insights into the size and consistency of their dump (e.g. it was massive and solid enough to leave marks).  Maybe you have sonic clues to help you interpret things as well.  That's always kind of nice.  Maybe you gain insights into this person's routine, how chaotic their life in their home is, etc.

It's not that I'm trying to solve anything, it's that the acquisition of information is an end in and of itself.  And dump info is often pretty fleeting.

Monday, March 20, 2017

Why Not Me?

Dumping is full of so much potential optimism.  There is so much potential for plenty, every day.  In getting ready to shit today, I was walking to the bathroom, and I was thinking, "why not me? why can I not be prodigious? why should today not be my day to dump the most?".  Forget the conservative ideas you know and let you mind and your bowels aspire to greatness.  You can be the shitter you want to be, it can be you, or me, or any of us.

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

passing it on

It strikes me that there are but few inflection points in this life we have for interrogating one's wiping style.

  1. When you're first learning to wipe, you get a particular philosophy.  Maybe a couple from multiple parents or people who are around you.
  2. Your body grows and your fine motor skills improve and you refine these techniques (probably without thinking about).
  3. If you have a physical condition that prevents you from executing your earlier techniques, you evaluate what was, what can be now, and make some adjustments.
  4. You are responsible for teaching a young child how to wipe.  Perhaps having an external eye on this makes you re-evaluate your own techniques.  Or maybe you propose one method and another person rearing this child proposes another.  And you have to debate pros and cons of different styles.  Strips or wads?  Standing or sitting?  Wet or dry?
I like the idea of people raising a kid just as a way to revisit how wise their ass wiping techniques are.  A great sideways reason I think.  Bold.

I've been getting a lot of ripped TP when I wipe of late.  It's not my favorite, but I haven't changed it up.

Sunday, January 22, 2017

dumpstream media

This here blog is a pretty reasonable forum to talk about feces.  Assuming certain things about "politeness" or whatever, that is.  People who wanna come here and read up do, and those who don't dig doo doo simply stay away.  But it's nice to see some mainstreaming of talking about shit, particularly from a funny lady.  So I was chuffed to see this fecally focused personal essay, that deals with such things as the pleasures of taking a dump while strolling about in public, in the New York Times.  Good onya NYT and good onya Rachel.