Sunday, May 27, 2012

finish him!

I was never very good at the finishing moves in Mortal Kombat.  I think I knew one or two, probably for Scorpion or Sub-Zero.  So you can imagine my surprise a few months ago when I started developing one of my own!

Something I'd like to make clear right off: I'm traditionally a sitting wiper.  I imagine this behavior is the kind of thing you learn once in childhood and rarely deviate from.  I remember a time in college, talking to folks about whether they sit or stand when wiping, and it felt intensely personal.  Intensely.  So it's no small admission that I tell you that I just kind of lean forward but stay on the seat.  Actually, there's a shift in foot position that comes along with it, and the only part of public pooping that embarrasses me is that slight foot shift.  This has been my way since whenever I learned to clean up after myself.

Now all craps a little different, and as I've written before, some are awfully clean, others are messy.  Messy ones could be messy in a centralized way or diffuse.  I think I must have been going through a messier streak say two months ago (these things are very streaky you know), and for whatever reason, after several well-aimed wipes, I stood up.  I felt I needed more leverage.  One final standing-up wipe and I was done.  But it was infectious, and for a while thereafter, I seemed to be finishing all my cleaning with an aggressive standing wipe.  I really put my knees into it and everything.  Let's call it a "power wipe" or a "standing power wipe".  The bottom line is that I didn't feel totally clean until I had done my finishing move.

There's something of an identity crisis that accompanies this - I'm not a stand-up wiper, it's just my finishing move!  And sure enough, for the most part, it's faded.  But I'm sure it'll come back.  Probably with more time I'll get more comfortable with having flexible technique - not just a sitter or standing, but a pragmatic wiper, dealing with each situation accordingly.  Maybe the finishing move with integrate itself more fully.  Who's to say?

Any of you readers have a finishing move of your own, something without which you can't pack up & leave?

Sunday, May 6, 2012

a spring treat

...just like little balls of deep fried doo doo...