Thursday, January 27, 2011

mega-library doo doo

Recently, I visited our nation's top hat: Washington, District of Columbia.
I pooped while I was there.

But there's more:
I pooped in the National Archives [it's free admission there]. It was a Sunday. I had just seen the Constitution, the Declaration, the B. of R.s, etc. There were a lot of school groups floating around the building. I had several layers on and a heavy backpack, so it took me some time to set up for my work once I got into the stall. Thereupon, I realized I was one of two people in the bathroom. The other person, probably derived from one of the school groups, said, presumably to himself, that this must be the quietest bathroom in the world. After he left, I felt like his assessment was pretty good. It was a quiet building on a quiet winter Sunday, and there was just me, having a quiet poop.

Pooping in a library bathroom is one of the distinct pleasures in life. Pooping in one of the nation's ur-libraries is thus a sweet thing indeed.

PS - anyone ever call that NFL QB the mocking name of Bathromo?

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

stercus legis

I had jury duty three of the past seven days. The case was settled after I had already been empaneled, which is a little bit of a let down, honestly. Frankly, I can't imagine a less inconvenient time to serve on a civil case jury. Just a few days in between my semesters, no worries, a coupla bucks via check at the end. A chance for an intimate look at the world of the NY Court System. But no, eight more years before I get to try again...

Anyway, on the first day, before and during voir dire, I was in the process of holding it. I didn't want to be caught pants-around-the-ankles when my number was up. So until 1 in the afternoon, I was audibly not at ease. The med student patiently waiting next to me got an earful of something I'm not certain she could diagnose (she was just starting out in med school). Sometimes my belly does this when I don't permit it full access to pooping facilities - it starts to sing a little bit. A nice feature for me, but probably disconcerting to those around me, imagining smells that might not be there.

On the lunch hour, I got things done at a vegetarian Chinese restaurant. Ate some soy protein then made a deposit. No more howling in the afternoon. Never did get a chance to try out the crapper in the courthouse... hope I don't have to until 2019.
Happy Craps in 2011,