end of year special

Yesterday, 12/30/17, I only pooped once.  I think that hasn't happened in a long time.  I felt before I went to bed that I could've benefited from a second, but I didn't go for it.  Sometimes it's special to mark the time in these fashions.

stories we tell ourselves

There are two songs I tend to sing to myself if I really have to shit but can't at that precise moment (in transit, someone's already in the b-room, etc). 

The first is a variation on the famous first line of the "It Takes Two".  In my version, it's "I wanna dump right now", or often with a bunch of repeats/stutters like "I wanna/I wanna/I wanna/I wanna/I wanna/I wanna dump right now". 

The second comes from a commercial from the 90s that I can't seem to remember what it was for.  It was a cartoon character talking about either a board game or something edible, who at the end of the ad went "excuse me... while I chomp".  Like for Hungry Hungry Hippos but not.  I don't remember.  Anyway, my variation is "excuse me... while I dump".