giving up

I felt today a feeling I don't often feel, which is that in defecating, I was giving something up. To whom, I do not know. What I would do with it if I didn't shit it out, I also do not know. It wasn't exactly possessiveness either or territoriality. But maybe a big sadness that you're always imperfect, always have more shit to excrete, and you can never be at stasis. And the surrendering of this thing that seems like part of your body, at least temporarily, is a small tragedy. Just musing here.