where does the time go?

I remember my junior year of college being in a dance performance (I was in the band & wrote the music, a trio for clarinet, trombone, & melodica). Backstage before or after a show, two friends of mine in someone else's piece were talking about their butt wiping proclivities. I forget the specific number, but one of them said that for an average dump, they use x squares of toilet paper. I think it was five. Maybe three. I was like, yeah that's a reasonable number, I'm similar, but it didn't say out loud. I wasn't as publically poop positive in those days.

I'm thinking about that now, and thinking, wow, I use more than I used to. Maybe there's more hair in my butt? Maybe the shape of my butt has changed? Maybe the sensitivity of my skin has changed, and I'm differently calibrated now? Maybe the toilet paper has changed (I don't like that multilayer fluffy stuff, I buy a big thing of Scott 1000)?

I feel a little guilty about using a larger amount of TP, but the reality is, that's how much I need to feel like my butt is actually clean. Maybe my butt just wasn't as clean before?

Also, I know it's weird that I'm posting three things in one day, but I had all these thoughts today while walking around Manhattan.

cutie/doodie pie

I'd like to see some research & conversation out there on the dialectic between cutie pies and doodie pies. There's something there, and no one's talking about it!

fake turds?

Did anyone watch White Lotus? I just finished the final episode of season one. There's a very mild spoiler ahead:

It seemed to me that when Armand took a dump into the suitcase, it was really just him sticking his butt out and then they did some digital animation of two turds dropping a-from his butthole.

On the one hand, I'm so pleased we have this technology, turdimation. On the other, it seems like you could make that much more cheaply with actual human stool.

It's like when I learned for my cousin that the sheep in several scenes of Brokeback Mountain were digital...