purry poo

I mean what's the dang deal with poo-pourri? I just don't get it. Let it smell like a doo doo. What dishonesty is this? Can't we be happy to each other and our bodies? Let's deescalate.

choco sesame

One of the shits I took this morning had a fairly thick and paste-like consistency. When I went to wipe my butt, the first wipe really had this paste quality, and I looked back (I usually do). It had the color of a combination of chocolate and sesame, and I thought boy that would be delicious eh? A choco-sesame paste that you could spread on things or eat right out of the jar. And I was right. That would be delicious.

PPB: dunkeroos

Earlier today I thought about pissing. What if we thought about peeing as dunking pee in water and other pee? Like what if the most important part of peeing were the moment of impact of fluids? And every moment of it was like oh I just wanted to put this pee in this other liquid, as if you were running a test? What about that, huh?

thumbs down

An odd thing in the last couple days is that when I wipe my bum, I have gotten a small bit of poo on the side of my thumb. 

My technique has not changed, and I think it's just the case that the current crop of craps has been coming out in such a way that maybe it goes higher up in my butt crack? I don't expect this to last very long, but it is interesting to be aware of the cycle that you're on in your excretion, made clear by something like evidence on your thumb. 

Don't worry, I've been washing my hands twice.

stupidly

 I once wrote on here:

"doo doo curls
for doo doo girls"

and I was thinking about how there could be other friends for that couplet, so here goes:

 

doo doo clothes
for your doo doo nose

you got some
doo doo pee
on your doo doo knee

breathe the
doo doo air
through your doo doo hair

you got a
doo doo drip
on your doo doo hip

you're
doo doo late
to meet your
doo doo mate

sit in
doo doo class
on your doo doo ass

eating a
doo doo banger
in a doo doo hangar

eating
doo doo trayf
out of a
doo doo safe

doing a
doo doo pour
in the days of
doo doo yore

I could go on...

Feel free to add some more!

demons

 Which kind of dump makes you feel like you have slaying a bigger demon:

1.) A dump that is physically very large in size, but smooth in texture

2.) One that's size is harder to measure because of its looseness, but is gnarlier

Or maybe you don't think of your stools as demons.

purify

Would you say that there's a correlation between the size or effort involved in a dump and how much it purifies your heart and spirit?

PPB: EVOO

I was peeing in a urinal yesterday throughout the day. It gives you a nice opportunity to check in on how the urine is. 

I have to say: my piss really, really looked like a deep, rich olive oil yesterday, sitting pooled there at the bottom of the urinal. Not the healthiest color for piss, but it made me want some Mediterranean food!

like a beached whale

I've been thinking of late about this wonderful guest post on this blog from a few years back. In it, one Poopy Longstocking compared her defecations to beached sea animals.

Now, my apartment got a new toilet late last year. It's a pretty good toilet - comfartable to sit on, more efficient (fills up real quick), etc. But one drawback is that it's shallower.

I have oft remarked here about the 2nd dump of the morning usually being a major one. And it is those dumps that make me also think about a beached whale.

Because of their volume and the shallowness of the t bowl, they commonly break the surface. And it turns out that shits that break the surface are ones that you can smell much better (see also the Euro toilets that have you shitting not into water but onto a board). 

So rather than needing to visually check and see if they've breached the medium, I can tell quickly by the more potent smell.

And this is how my whales are beaching, thank you.

PPB: The Lure of the Shower

We'd like to continue with the first installment of our Pee Pee Bloggin series of 2022. Enjoy!

 

The mechanics of my mind-body are such that I never have to pee whilst taking a shower. And yet, I can't resist peeing as soon as I turn the shower off. Even if I peed just before the shower. It's physically difficult, and moreover it's just unsatisfying not too! Like, peeing as soon as you turn the shower off is so, so nice! Why rob yourself of this pleasure?

Also, the pee these days in the shower smells like some sort of porridge, which is nice and gets me ready to eat brekky.

Oftentimes I stay in the shower longer being like wait I have to pee and then I remember I must turn the shower off first to initiate the pee. It's a tricky system.

Anyway, I encourage you to pee in your shower today!

we like semantics here

 Is it correct to say that one shits on toilet paper? 

 

 i.e. if your shit gets on something, did you shit on it?

 

Or is shitting a more transitive verb than that? Are direct and indirect objects important in the English language? I'm not always sure.

Anyway, I like the idea that you could say to someone "I shat all over your toilet paper!".

a tiny poem

doo doo curls

for

doo doo girls

Poo Poo Patsy

I'd like to open a sandwich shop called Poo Poo Patsy's. The tagline of the place would be "Poo Poo Patsy's: Home of the Poo'Boy"

odd remainders

With Omicron, I haven't been leaving my house much. I went to Manhattan yesterday and ran some errands, had an appointment. It felt novel. At the site of the appointment, I went into a men's room I'd used many times before. A single occupant. The toilet had some piss in the water and a single round little turd in it. Also novel.

Alright, okay, I mean I've seen other people's turds a million times, whatever. I flushed it, stat, and then I started thinking. This was a large enough turd to tell me it didn't get flushed and pop back up. Also the piss water. Forensically, what happened here was that someone left the piss and that turd there... and notably no toilet paper. If there were toilet paper and no turd, we could read it as a flush between those two activities. But this was the opposite, implying no TP was utilized by the dumper.

Men's bathrooms are just gross places anyway you slice it - the people who take a dump and don't wash their hands but do use the dryer? All kinds of shenanigans. But not wiping? C'mon now. Going out in public: it's real weird.

buccaneer broma

Q: what do pirates call their boo when they want to mix it up?

A: sharties

Q: what do pirates call instances of farting and being surprised that something non-gaseous came out?

A: sharties

💛🤝💩