always

Every day, I am pooping.

Only some of the time am I updating this here thing.

I don't want you to think for a minute that I'm not pooping, however, this is just a recognition of the fact that when you do something every day, several times a day, you are often overwhelmed by the thought of chronicling it.

I just pooped. I was very morning-poop-like, appropriately enough. That would mean: full of meaning, not a quickie, cleansing, helping you rededicate yourself as you move forward. I was not smooth, it had interesting edges. It was dark. I'd like to eat some dal or some chapati in the near future.

tense

Why, at this very moment, I have to poop.

You may ask, why are you writing about it, rather than doing it?

But I would say I am describing the contemporary condition.

And very soon I will just go ahead and poop.

Be well,

DR

in regards to crab

I have eaten crab three times in my life (knowingly). Once was Lynn's birthday this past May. Twice was in Java as part of a lunchtime seafood treat with Pak S & Bu M. The third time was this past Friday with BWB at Sriphaprai - fried soft-shell crab with green curry (with pumpkin!). Based on very little, I have gone into each experience expecting my poop to come out the other end on the runny kine. I don't really remember the first two times; if it was, it was nothing serious. This third time was also unremarkable, although I did poop probably five times on Saturday, which is a little high on the average these days, and the third was particular runny. Maybe it was the crab, maybe not. You see how what I'm describing is my self-conditioning, right?

bodies

With an updated roster as of last Sunday, here are the major geographic bodies on which I can remember having pooped:

North America

Europe

Java

Ireland

Great Britain

Hawaii (as in the big island)

Long Island

Smaller:

Manhattan

one of the Harbor Islands off Boston

Eagle Island, ME

Deer Island, ME

Fire Island, NY

Aran Islands, IE (kind of speculation, it was 1991)

part of Hong Kong (where the airport is)

I think I've never gone on Staten Island.

You?

clean again

Okay, it's not like it's been continuously clean since that last post about it, but this morning the burning clean syndrome saved my butt. Ha.

We were out of toilet paper, I was puttering this morning and eventually there was a sharp need for making doo doo, and quick-like. No time to get TP. However, I had not taken a shower yet and I am equipped with Javanese theories of what to do in lieu of TP, so I was not scared. Plus, there were like six squares left on the old roll. As it was happening, I was not confident we were burning clean, but when I went to wipe, guess what? No need for panic. Thanks, burning clean. I used like four squares anyway, just to be sure. 2 x 2.

curiousities

Yesterday, I crapped on two occasions such that while finished up, I stole a peripheral glance backwards and down, I thought, have I eaten beets or something recently? Blueberries? The color balance was not what it usually is you see. But this was kind of a more light yellow tinge, like seeing some kind of curry powder. Maybe there was something reddish in there too. Trying to remember that glimpse feels like trying to remember a dream. Let alone describe it to you.

clear (with exceptions)

For the last week or so, I am burning incredibly clean. For those of you who have no idea what I mean by that, I mean that after I shit, I go to wipe and there's not much residue left to be cleaned up. One or two wipes of instinctual caution, and then I can pull my pants back up and wash the hands. Burning clean.

I can't recall from whom I got this expression, it's a pretty curious one. I've rarely said it out loud (given the subject matter in part, I guess), and I've got a suspicion, as I often do, that I'm using this idiom in a way that's incorrect. Maybe it commonly means something else. Maybe I made it up based on something I misheard someone say. The expression itself makes me think of oil coming out of the ground and being introduced to that little flame. Anyway, you, now, reading this, have three possible options: propagate my expression, do some research and tell me if I'm correct, or ignore this all together.

May your poops burn as clear as mine have been (the last one wasn't super clean, it was more of a three or four wipe scenario... and by the way, this is getting at the larger issue of how I wipe, but let's save that for another time).