They Call This Optimism

Isn't it amazing how truly exciting taking a dump is?  Almost every time?

In the waiting room of my mind

Hi, Dave? You had that 10:30 appointment for a big steamy dump? You can come on in now, we're ready for you.

poop inside of birds

Linguistically, turducken = turd-dookin
It is the poopiest of edible bird-on-bird constructions
A thought just for you in time for the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday.

a little sad but really not sad

Earlier in my life I was a most social pooper.  Having a brother of nearby age is a great instigator to such a personality.  Enjoying summer camp is another.  Having goofball friends with an appreciation for gross out humor throughout one's youth is a third.  Continuing conversations across the not-taking-a-shit/taking-a-shit threshold, conversations both mundane and qua shitting; the experience of moving my bowels was enhanced when it had a social aspect to it.

It's different these days.  While I do blog about what I deposit and pop up with the DDB Annual Report once in a while, so much of the time I'm pooping I'm trying to be quiet about it.  In the morning, trying not to wake up a sleeping dear person.  In the evening, trying not to be gross.  Most of all, during the day, trying not to make a small office of middle-aged women aware of my fecal sounds or fecal smells.  The most satisfying shits I take are at home, no one else around.  Although, having the door open and being visited by the cat is still immensely attractive.  Part of it is surely apartment & city life vs house & suburb life.  

I don't feel as though anyone took this pleasure from me, I feel things have just evolved this way.  It makes sense that now I am a less crude, more devotional solo shitter.  I do long for ways to re-socialize the shit, but not in a reactionary way.  It doesn't have to be how it was before, but I did and do like that ideal as a way to take a turd.

gluten-free dumpage

For the past four months I've been trying to not eat gluten.  I feel better when I don't, and I've been alternately pretty strict & pretty lax about it.  But my diet has definitely changed.

I got to wondering how this might affect my stool.  If you take out a binding element from what's going in, is the resultant crap less structurally bound to itself?  Anecdotal evidence points to no, things maybe in fact be more solid than they were before.  But it could be like some gluten-free baked goods that look really put together, and then you dig in and they kind of crumble.  As previously hinted at, I've had a lot of dookers that seem pretty solid only to be followed less than an hour later by a torrent of loose stuff.  I only have a little look test and the feeling of things leaving my anus to evaluate.

Drive slow homey

Trying to let a many-part gross shit out slowly so that the nice people working in this office don't hear how gross it is.

Prelude to a

There are mornings on which you take a shit before you leave the house and know, unambiguously, that you're going to have to take another (much nastier and looser) shit when you get where you're going.