3.13.2013
Here is is. Really. This is it this time. Seriously.
THE poop. The poop to end all poops.
That
lamb-mint-chutney pizza with a cocktail of cocktails thrown on top has
destroyed my digestive tract. Here I sit, broken hearted, tried to shit
and actually AM shitting slowly and painfully.
I was (if you read my explanation earlier) seized by pain and fury
and anger and negativity, and it turns out (after frantically calling
everyone I knew and getting no response, even from my parents, THANK GOD
that would have been expensive), that is was SHIT the whole time. This
whole time, it was my need to take THE epic shit of all shits was what
was killing me. This is whiskey beer and wine shits mixed with lamb
pizza shit.
What was I thinking? I was having a marvelous time not thinking. Schmordie.
Well, once I get all of this OUT of me I can relax and put more in.
Dave,
we spoke once of the delight of drinking while pissing. This shit is so
fucking crazy I'm going to go get some bread and eat it whilst I shit. I
have some amazing bread, a giant baguette that's so delicious I eat it
constantly and it never seems to be entirely consumed.
- I go get some bread -
YUP this is amazing. Swallowing and pooping at the same time.
I
HIGHLY recommend this to everyone ever. It's delightful, but make sure
the food is REALLY good or else it might not be a great experience.
What a rollercoaster ride of emotions I am on today.
Now I'm covered in crumbs.
What's with that.
Hey crumbs, could you stay somewhere else? I'm crumbed out.
Crumby but not crummy no way no meow,
Brian
Editor's note: What he said.
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